The Gospel of Mary

 

My brother Peter, Do you think that I thought this up myself or that I am lying about the Savior?

— The Gospel of Mary, The Nag Hammadi Library

 

I was not alarmed when the doves continued to coo 

though their wings were burning.  I was on fire 
 

too. It was morning.  I was there 

with the eleven, gathered in the vestibule 
 

of the upper room. Our breath thickened, 

colors deepened. For just one instant I saw 
 

the root of love staked through the ceiling. 

But so few of them received the vision 
 

at its core. They tried to think it through. 

It was not for thought. It was more 
 

for holding and becoming. Light 

brandished from our fingertips 

 

like swords of warrior angels. 

When it extinguished, 
 

I flashed my ordinary hands  

and we all laughed.
 

Because they asked, I told them 

what he said to me in private, 
 

I didn't say he'd kissed me 

on the mouth. I told them how 
 

I met the savior inside my head. 

How our thoughts entwined
 

like bean stalks 

through swatches of clouds. 
 

He said "Thought" created matter, and fear  

is ingenious for damaging the world. 
 

He said  Here is the soul, here the Spirit 

the mind—a naive child between them. 
 

In the air I drew a diagram of the soul's 

escalation, my fingers sparking 
 

the seven heavens. I tried to show 

what rushes naked, leaving the body 
 

like a town one no longer cares to visit. 

How the soul, small and homeless,
 

remembers then, and rejoins Spirit.

How, in the aftermath, oblivion 
 

is transient, and darkness is illusion, 

both habits to be broken. 
 

Peter and Andrew debunked 

my "strange ideas" and woman that I was, 
 

I wept. Levi stepped in and calmed the others 

the way the savior woke in the rocking 
 

boat and calmed the sea. They all looked  

at me in wonder. I spent the rest of  life 
 

on earth infused with his apparition 

because I thought


that I was worthy.

Deborah DeNicola is the author of four poetry collections, most recently Inside Light, forthcoming from Finishing Line Press; The Harmony of the Next, winner of the 2005 Riverstone Press Chapbook Contest; and Where Divinity Begins, Alice James Books.  She edited the anthology Orpheus & Company: Contemporary Poems on Greek Mythology, and her work has appeared in many literary journals.  Among her awards are a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts.  She teaches in Lesley University’s outreach graduate program in Creative Arts & Learning and online at her web site www.intuitivegateways.com.